april mood, monthly to do list, and my favorite body lotion scent memory

hello.

april is… homemade honeyed biscuits with salted butter and strawberry jam, a fawn in the meadow, the trees getting greener as the rain gets heavier, bouquets of tulips, trips to the farmers market, afternoon tea, picnics at the park, crisp linen bedsheets, flowy long white skirts, a month full of whispers, winks, and sighs, light knit sweaters, period dramas, classical music, and writing handwritten letters to your lover.

Here’s a little april activity to do list to make your month feel a little more intentional and special and we slowly make our way into spring:

-go to the farm to pet baby animals

-is it too early to pick strawberries?

-take a trip to the farmers market: get asparagus and peas and strawberries, and eggs and other spring produce

-get new bedsheets

-do something artsy: go to the museum, get tickets to the ballet, watch a classical music concert

-do something artsy: take an art class, paint with oil pastels and watercolors, press flowers in your journal

-plant a little garden

Okay, I wanted to talk about a scent memory…

I smelled something on someone in my elevator the other day that reminded me of a scent from my childhood. What I’m about to say will make you want to punch me in the face, but I’m going to say it anyway because this was a very prevalent and important part of my childhood. I’m not a beach girl. I never have been and I never will be. However, there is an exception. Every year from the time I was a newborn until I was about 13, my grandparents would take my brother and I and my mom to Oahu. We would stay for several weeks at a time at this place called Kahala and it was (and still is) the most magical and comforting place I can remember. For someone who loathes the beach, these memories unlock some of the happiest moments of my life. For some context, my dad left my mom when I was very little and him and I never had a relationship, so my grandpa (I call him GG) is like my dad.

At the Kalaha, my mom and grandma would lay out on the beach and my grandpa and I would hike Diamond Head and play golf together and throw the football back and fourth in the grass. We would swim all afternoon and he would take me to the pool cafe to eat cheeseburgers and fries that had a mild taste of salt water from eating it with my wet hands fresh out of the ocean. The cafe had this homemade celery seed mustard dressing that was to die for and when I think long and hard about these memories, I can almost taste it. We would always get chocolate milk shakes after burgers and they made the shakes with homemade ice cream and it had a little hit of coconut in it. Another banger. Does anyone else feel ravenously hungry after swimming in the ocean? And why does food taste 178% better after swimming?

For breakfast, we would always go to this restaurant in the hotel called The Plumeria Cafe and they were known for their delicate thin pancakes- paper thin pancakes rolled up into little logs drizzled lightly with butter and maple syrup. My mom and grandma got these and I would always steal them off their plates and my grandpa and I would always get the same breakfast: cold muesli with raisins, almonds, dried fruits, and brown sugar. We would get plates full of fresh fruit- mangos and papaya with lime. I often defied my mom when she asked me to put my gameboy or nintendo ds away at the dinner table, but when we were with my grandparents I never took it out because I always wanted to make them proud. The earliest memory I have of the Kahala was a time when my brother and I got very sunburnt. My mom took us to the little shop in the hotel to get aloe vera and after sun lotion. The smell… The smell of this lotion is what I imagine heaven to smell like. Rose hip, almond, green tea, light coconut, and whatever other magic they put in there. Every time we visited The Kahala, my mom would get this lotion and put it on us even when we weren’t sunburnt. So this brings me back to the elevator girl. I literally called the Kahala that day and asked them about this lotion they had in the late 90s / early 00s and after some detective work, they figured out the brand. Not only do they still have it, but now they make body butters, shampoo, conditioner, etc. I ordered them all and can’t wait to receive them in the mail. I might shed a tear and/or have a little cry fest reminiscing of the happier brighter days of my childhood.

I’m currently at a point in my life that I’m not proud of. I will not be talking about it in this newsletter, but I feel like I’ve disappointed my grandparents. My career has not been linear and even to this day, I’m struggling trying to find myself and my place in this world. There were several years during my undergrad when everyone in my family was so proud of me. I was the poster child held on a pedestal and raved about at family reunions. Now, I feel as though I’m nothing and I’m reminded of that frequently. If you come from a very high achieving academic family, you will understand how important it is to make your parents proud. Add in the fact that I’m high achieving, purpose driven, an INTJ, and a virgo, and well- it’s a recipe for disaster if you’re ever feeling lost. It’s heavy and unbearable at times. Do you understand?

So these memories with my grandparents are so dear to my heart. And that is the power of scent… The power of this silly little lotion I ordered almost masochistically because I already know that when I experience it again, it will send me into a deep depression.

And on that heavy ass note, let’s move on shall we?

Read with me:

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The First Fragrance From Acne Studios

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A Guide To The Total Solar Eclipse

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I love you.

Bye.

a tale of springtime (1990)