“the truth is, you can only stay in the dream for so long before it starts to hurt more than it helps. at some point, the fantasy begins to feed on you” - so beautifully put :)
I have been alone most of my life too. The thought of someone knowing me so deeply and seeing me in all my vulnerable, human moments is too much for me bear. I can relate so much.
"and maybe that’s the paradox. i want closeness, but i’ve built a life designed to keep it at bay. i want to be known, but only from a distance. it’s safer to imagine connection than to risk the kind that might disappoint me." - this hit hard and right to the core, achingly precise in depicting the silent frustration that comes with that realisation 🫂 i'm sure we'll get to bring ourselves to break that loop whenever the right people cross our path 🫶🏻thank you for writing 💕
Another incredible piece Caitlyn! I think you're so right--- the longing is easier, but all the beauty comes from real love, from the messiness of it, from falling for a whole, imperfect person. All the magic is in the mess :)
Beautifully written and beautiful reflections. Thank you for this piece.
In writing this you make yourself vulnerable, opening up this way, explaining your fears. It's interesting how we find it easier, for certain things at least, to become vulnerable with a stranger, with someone that's not present, than it is to expose our being to someone that is known and present to us.
Ugh…I love your work. you’re able to speak to something I always feel but am unable to articulate. I’ve realized that my embrace of the melancholy is more of a survival mechanism than a choosing of it based on what I value. I’m not sure that’s natural.
Your writing is always beautiful and hits the nail on the head, Caitlyn. Thank you once again. I'm currently in love, I've been in unrequited love. I believe that entering a relationship was what caused me to grow the most as a person in recent years. When my love was one-sided, I was incredibly stagnant.
I would like to touch on what you said about not dating to protect ourselves, about how we ae imprisoning ourselves in one-sided relationships because it feels safer, with less compromise. I understand where it comes from, I've been there myself. However, I like to see things from the angle of what stories I might tell my grandchildren someday, or what will transpire in my journals. I don't want to lead a life of avoidance. I don't want to have no answer if my grandkids ask me if I've ever been in love.
By the end of my life, I want to be assured that I've loved and compromised and had my heart broken and fallen in love again, even if it's a harder path. I want my life story to be one of connection with other people and I want to come to the end of my life knowing that my time on earth was well spent. That's why I personally don't buy into the loneliness epidemic story or what is really avoidance culture. I believe locking ourselves in unrequited love to the point of avoiding other opportunities for connection is a waste of life, though it can create some beautiful works of art.
I think you describe exactly how I feel, I often submerged my self in fantasys avoiding the real life, in people that I never know and the they would never know me, avoiding real connection. I never been in a relationship, I been in love once but out of fear I didn't let it happen. I feel lonely very often and I try to fulfill that with this type of things, but saddest part is that is my fault.
“the truth is, you can only stay in the dream for so long before it starts to hurt more than it helps. at some point, the fantasy begins to feed on you” - so beautifully put :)
Thank you! 🤎🤎
You read me for filth with this one I must say.
🤎🤎🤎
I have been alone most of my life too. The thought of someone knowing me so deeply and seeing me in all my vulnerable, human moments is too much for me bear. I can relate so much.
I’m glad it resonated 🤎
"and maybe that’s the paradox. i want closeness, but i’ve built a life designed to keep it at bay. i want to be known, but only from a distance. it’s safer to imagine connection than to risk the kind that might disappoint me." - this hit hard and right to the core, achingly precise in depicting the silent frustration that comes with that realisation 🫂 i'm sure we'll get to bring ourselves to break that loop whenever the right people cross our path 🫶🏻thank you for writing 💕
Thanks for being here 🤎🤎🤎
Damn. Gagged honestly.
🤎🤎🤎🤎
This is so beautifully written! A self-reflection that just might be a mirror for us all.💗
Another incredible piece Caitlyn! I think you're so right--- the longing is easier, but all the beauty comes from real love, from the messiness of it, from falling for a whole, imperfect person. All the magic is in the mess :)
Thank you for your beautiful reflections. It made me think of a poem I wrote called parallel universe:
in my mind
we have already slept together
you know all my secrets
and where my freckles are
I’m living in a parallel universe
one I’ve created myself
I visit at night and every morning
the same scenario, over and over again
this way feels safe
no broken hearts
no rejection
no drama
we’ve dated,
made love
and broken up
without you ever knowing
Beautifully written and beautiful reflections. Thank you for this piece.
In writing this you make yourself vulnerable, opening up this way, explaining your fears. It's interesting how we find it easier, for certain things at least, to become vulnerable with a stranger, with someone that's not present, than it is to expose our being to someone that is known and present to us.
Again, thank you for sharing your reflections.
Ugh…I love your work. you’re able to speak to something I always feel but am unable to articulate. I’ve realized that my embrace of the melancholy is more of a survival mechanism than a choosing of it based on what I value. I’m not sure that’s natural.
Your writing is always beautiful and hits the nail on the head, Caitlyn. Thank you once again. I'm currently in love, I've been in unrequited love. I believe that entering a relationship was what caused me to grow the most as a person in recent years. When my love was one-sided, I was incredibly stagnant.
I would like to touch on what you said about not dating to protect ourselves, about how we ae imprisoning ourselves in one-sided relationships because it feels safer, with less compromise. I understand where it comes from, I've been there myself. However, I like to see things from the angle of what stories I might tell my grandchildren someday, or what will transpire in my journals. I don't want to lead a life of avoidance. I don't want to have no answer if my grandkids ask me if I've ever been in love.
By the end of my life, I want to be assured that I've loved and compromised and had my heart broken and fallen in love again, even if it's a harder path. I want my life story to be one of connection with other people and I want to come to the end of my life knowing that my time on earth was well spent. That's why I personally don't buy into the loneliness epidemic story or what is really avoidance culture. I believe locking ourselves in unrequited love to the point of avoiding other opportunities for connection is a waste of life, though it can create some beautiful works of art.
I think you describe exactly how I feel, I often submerged my self in fantasys avoiding the real life, in people that I never know and the they would never know me, avoiding real connection. I never been in a relationship, I been in love once but out of fear I didn't let it happen. I feel lonely very often and I try to fulfill that with this type of things, but saddest part is that is my fault.