i tried platonic speed dating for the first time and this is how it went...
I tried platonic speed dating for the first time and this is how it went…
I want to preface this by telling you a little bit about my personality and what drove me to do this.
I’m an INTJ at my core- extremely introverted, extreme black cat energy, extremely virgo. One of my goals this year is to put myself out there and say yes to more opportunities and events that push me out of my comfort zone. Let’s just say I was overly ambitious with this one.
Conceptually, this event was a very cute idea, but it was poorly executed.
There were about 30 of us that arrived at the event. We were welcomed with hot coffee and pastries. We’re off to a good start, right? There was Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background (a great sign). Immediately, my anxieties started to dwindle ever so slightly. The space of the event was beautiful and cozy and there were candles lit at the table. The energy of the room was warm and welcoming and I was pleasantly surprised to find that the people at the event were all around the same age. I was a bit worried that there would be tons of really young folks and I would be the only one in my late twenties/ early thirties. It was a great mix of people.
After everyone arrived, we all gathered and sat at a long rectangular table facing one another.
Basically the structure of this speed dating went something like this:
The table had lots of little cups filled with crayons and colored pencils. We were all given a little notebook with 8 pages. Each page had a prompt, so you would draw on the page (whatever the prompt asked) and when time was up, you got to discuss the prompt with a new person. Essentially, there were 8 opportunities to meet 8 different people. Seems okay, right?
After she announced the first prompt, we all began to draw. During this drawing time, it was quiet and peaceful with the soft sound of Ella Fitzgerald singing in the background. After time was up, it was time to discuss the drawing with our partner for the next 5-6 minutes.
Everyone started to talk and the volume of people's voices escalated so rapidly and dramatically, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Everyone was talking over one another so loudly because no one could be heard.
I’m someone who is very soft spoken. It takes a lot of energy, physically and emotionally, for me to talk to people. You know what it felt like? Those terrifying North Sea tiktok videos (don’t watch this if you have anxiety). I felt like I was being swallowed whole. I sound pathetic and dramatic but I’m hoping that if you’re also introverted and high-anxiety like me, you’ll feel understood.
I was not the only one who felt this way because several people asked the host if she could make an announcement asking people to talk a little quieter so everyone could be heard.
No one listened.
Reader, I did this 8 times in a row. By the 8th person, I felt sick to my stomach and my head was spinning. We had 15 minutes left at the end of the event where people had the option to leave if they wanted or stick around to chat more amongst one another.
One of the prompt questions was “describe your dream date with a best friend”, and I immediately said, “not this!”. Thankfully my partner laughed in agreement.
Truthfully my dream date with friends would be something so low key and relaxing. An intimate dinner party with jazzy music, good conversations, good food, good wine, maybe a film in the background. I love hosting and I always want guests to feel warm and welcomed. I always have snacks, food, drinks, and a candy bowl in case they’re hungry. I love making people feel like they belong.
Anyways, when my last ‘date’ was finished, I left immediately. And almost cried in the elevator because it was so cold and I didn’t bundle up enough and I was so drained I felt like I needed 2 and a half weeks to stay home and stare at a wall.
On my way home, I stopped by the Brooklyn Cat Cafe and found a 10 year old geriatric cat named Margot who was quite literally the kindest, warmest, most cuddly cat I’ve ever met in my life. I sat down and she climbed into my lap and I held her and she was purring so loudly and then they fell asleep in my arms and I felt understood and whole again. I almost took her home with me. I might go back for her.
I’m very proud of myself for putting myself out there and going to this event, and more importantly, staying the whole time, even though I wanted to leave so badly.
I’m not giving up on this endeavor of doing things outside of my comfort zone, but I've learned my limit/ threshold. Truthfully, this event wouldn’t have been so bad if the sheer volume of people screaming over one another wasn’t so overwhelming. I think I would have done better at a cake decorating event, or something that was focused on a specific activity rather than forced communication. I’m terrible at small talk.
I don’t have news for you today because I needed to go to bed early last night and didn’t have time to research articles, but rest assured, we’ll be back to regular scheduling tomorrow.
This week, I’m going to share a (delusional) january wish list, some cozy winter things listen to/ read/ watch, etc and some winter activities for inspiration (indoor and outdoor) if you’re looking for ways to keep busy that don’t involve doom scrolling.
Okay, that’s all.
I love you for being here.
Bye <3
