media consumption: articles, video essays, podcasts to make you smarter (vol. 17)
hello.
this week took everything out of me and the level of exhaustion i felt ran me straight into the ground. know that there is no prize for burning yourself out and no gold star for making yourself small and brittle just to keep up.
i think a lot about how hollow the way we talk about taking care of ourselves is these days. it has turned into another way to sell out and capitalize off of mental health in a way that feels insulting for the people who are really going through it. real care is quiet, not performative. it is not something you can buy. maybe it’s reading something that splits you open and makes you feel understood or watching something that makes you feel less alone. maybe you’re reaching for something that reminds you that you are still a person with a mind, with a heart, with a life beyond survival.
in a world where everything feels stretched thin and frayed at the edges, there is one thing i know for sure. art, literature, music, film — these are the things that still hold true and give us meaning. art is one of the few spaces that still matters and makes us feel whole when nothing else makes sense. art is the stubborn proof that we are here. we exist. and we’re worthy of taking up space in this world.
on that note, let me share some media i’ve acquired this week that has been a balm to the soul…
weekly report
reading:
selected crônicas by clarice lispector
a collection of lispector’s newspaper columns that blend the mundane with the metaphysical. she writes about eggs and dogs and death with the same dreamlike urgency. it’s clarice at her most intimate, less about plot, more about perception. a blueprint for living inside your own mind.
madness and civilization by michel foucault
foucault traces how western societies have treated madness across centuries, not as a medical condition but as a moral, political, and philosophical issue. it’s dense, radical, and weirdly poetic history of the silencing of the mad, and a mirror to how we define sanity itself.
ficciones by jorge luis borges
a dizzying, brilliant labyrinth of short stories that play with infinity, identity, and language. borges builds libraries that contain every possible book, men who forget nothing, and worlds within words. fiction as philosophy, stripped of sentiment, steeped in paradox.
nearer the moon by anaïs nin
diary entries drenched in longing, dreams, eroticism, and unspoken ache. nin documents the inner life with such raw elegance it feels like reading someone’s soul mid-exhale. devotion, desire, and dissolution, and always a little mythic and sacred.
eating
-muesli and cold oats with dried fruits, almonds, and soy milk
-healthyish oreos for an afternoon treat
-large plates of fresh cut fruits for snacking
playing
here are a few recent watches that altered my brain chemistry…
betty blue (1986)
a manic, electric love story that feels like it’s burning through the screen. betty is chaotic, radiant, and feral. a woman who wants to be seen entirely, even if it destroys her. this film is like holding a lit match in your hand a second too long.
benedetta (2021)
paul verhoeven’s provocative nun drama, based on a true story. erotic, violent, and deeply blasphemous in all the right ways, it asks what happens when divine ecstasy collides with flesh and blood desire. one of the boldest religious films in years.
decision to leave (2022)
a detective thriller that slowly melts into a love story, except neither part ever really lets the other breathe. it’s longing wrapped in mystery, full of slow glances and things left unsaid. directed by park chan-wook, it’s visually spellbinding and emotionally devastating.
house of tolerance (2011)
set inside a parisian brothel at the dawn of the 20th century, this film is intimate, hypnotic, and melancholic. the women here live in a gilded cage, but they build rituals of beauty and survival inside it. the cinematography feels like oil paint on velvet.
secret sunshine (2007)
a masterwork from lee chang-dong. quietly brutal, it traces one woman’s journey through grief, faith, and the limits of forgiveness. no film has ever captured spiritual despair quite like this. you will not leave it unchanged.
witches (2024)
new to MUBI, witches is a fractured modern spellbook of a film. surreal and ceremonial, it reclaims the witch as both symbol and symptom. it’s about power, exile, and the hunger to belong to something older than language.
frances ha (2012)
a black-and-white love letter to female friendship, flailing ambition, and the quiet ache of almost-adulthood. frances is messy, idealistic, and deeply human—trying to be an artist, a best friend, a person with a plan, and failing beautifully at all of it. it’s a film about drifting, but also about how deeply we can love the people we grow apart from. soft, funny, and secretly devastating.
this week’s media consumption is free because today’s letter is brought to you by a very special guest: MUBI. (the only brand i’ll go caps for)
you already know that books and films are the architecture of this space. i write about them the way some people write about god, or memory, or first love. they shape my inner world, offer new language for old feelings, and sometimes alter the entire trajectory of my week.
so when MUBI asked if i’d share some of the films i’ve been watching lately on their platform, it felt like the easiest yes. it’s not just a streaming service, it’s a curated archive of the strange, the exquisite, the essential. no mindless scrolling. just cinema, chosen with care.if any of these speak to you, you can get 30 days free at mubi.com/milkfed. no strings, just beautifully curated cinema.
stream these films in the united states and the following countries:
betty blue: us
benedetta: us, turkey, india, ireland, uk, canada
decision to leave: us, india, turkey, canada, ireland, uk, france
house of tolerance: us, ireland, uk
secret sunshine: us, canada
witches: global
frances ha: us, canada, chile, argentina, brazil, colombia, mexico, turkey, ireland, uk
also playing…
-cocteau twins, björk, and bauhaus
-listening to tank on a loop instead of drinking a 3rd or 4th shot of espresso when i’m on a deadline and i need to get ish done.
obsessing
-evenings when i can unwind, read my favorite magazines and literary journals, jazz playing in the background or snoopy on the tv, a sweet treat and my favorite blanket.
-homoerotic friendships
-non-sexual forms of intimacy
-my new vetiver candle from diptyque. it smells like fresh rain on dry earth, with soft smoke and green roots. it’s crisp, warm, grounding, beautiful.
recommending
-having multiple journals for different purposes: mine line looks a little something like this… a planner journal, one for books, one for brain storiming ideas for my novel and short stories, a brain dump journal (specifically for non-aesthetic, messy, chaotic, fragmented thoughts, doodles, absolute nonsense)
-these little ginger chews candies to take with you in your tote bag or purse for sudden onsets of tummy aches. (they taste delicious, too).
treating
-i have a few weeks off from school, and all i want is to disappear into books and writing. to give my full, undivided attention to the short stories and novel i’ve been carrying around in my head for months. nothing sounds better than finally making space for it.
as many of you know, i recently started a youtube channel. come subscribe and stay awhile ~ i covered classic literature favorites and my favorite gothic literature books in my latest videos. <3
moving into our media consumption section… here are a few standouts from my recent reading rabbit holes: a haunting analysis of dostoevsky’s moral chaos, a meditation on the intimacy of never speaking again, björk on multitasking and tech, and a strangely moving dive into beatrix potter’s rage. it’s a little literary, a little gothic, a little unhinged…
i remove the paywalls on the majority of my posts, so your support for this newsletter means the world to me.
media consumption:
articles
will i, won’t i? dostoevsky’s kiss
an analysis of dostoevsky's the brothers karamazov, focusing on themes of free will, morality, and the complexities of human emotion.
london review of books
the ’90s gothic film revival: bram stoker’s dracula, the craft, and everything in between
examining the resurgence of gothic themes in 1990s cinema, highlighting how films like "bram stoker’s dracula" and "the craft" brought dark aesthetics to mainstream audiences.
reactor
the transformational power of communal dreaming
discussing the concept of shared dreaming practices and their potential to foster collective healing and understanding within communities.
noema
björk’s words of wisdom on technology, multitasking, and collaboration
björk shares insights on how technology influences creativity, the challenges of multitasking, and the importance of collaborative efforts in artistic endeavors.
pitchfork
a reflection on the final statements of notable individuals, exploring what these parting words reveal about their lives and legacies.
the new yorker
the comfortable life is killing you
an essay arguing that modern comforts may lead to complacency and a lack of fulfillment, urging readers to seek challenges for personal growth.
poetic outlaws
yukio mishima: voices of the fallen heroes
a review of a book examining yukio mishima's life and work, focusing on his complex identity and the themes of honor and sacrifice in his writings.
the new yorker
susan sontag on being a writer: “you have to be obsessed”
susan sontag discusses the necessity of obsession in the writing process, emphasizing dedication and passion as key components of literary success.
lithub
good grief: the beguiling philosophy of peanuts
an exploration of the philosophical themes in the "peanuts" comic strip, highlighting its reflections on human nature, happiness, and existentialism.
bbc culture
bang, bang, smash, smash: beatrix potter
a biographical look at beatrix potter, delving into her life beyond children's literature, including her scientific interests and personal struggles.
london review of books
the intimacy of never talking again
a lyrical meditation on the strange closeness that silence can create. mai explores how never speaking again can feel more intimate than a casual check-in, capturing the ache of unresolved endings.
missionarymai (
)your brain is rotting away, babe
hannah cao reflects on the numbing effects of digital overstimulation, examining how endless scrolling and content consumption erode our attention and inner lives.
hannah’s archive (
)what women don’t understand about men
goranshbharal delves into the emotional silence many men inhabit—not from apathy, but from a lack of tools to express vulnerability. a poignant look at masculinity and communication.
the hero’s path (
)a mystic, a poet, an old friend: haleh liza gafori on the enduring power of rumi
haleh liza gafori reflects on translating rumi's poetry, discussing the spiritual and emotional resonance of his work in contemporary times.
lithub
‘marriage feels like a hostage situation, and motherhood a curse’: japanese author sayaka murata
an interview with sayaka murata, where she discusses her unconventional views on relationships and societal expectations, as portrayed in her novels.
the guardian
who has the right to be a writer?
exploring the barriers to entry in the writing profession, this piece questions who gets to be considered a "real" writer and why.
lithub
genre alert: women who are sexually attracted to airplanes… and other non-sentient objects
a look into the niche genre of objectophilia in literature, where characters form romantic or sexual attachments to inanimate objects.
lithub
the “-ification” of everything
analyzing the trend of adding "-ification" to words, this essay explores how language evolves in the digital age to capture new phenomena.
the new yorker
video essays
podcasts
okay, that’s all for today.
if you’re not ready to become a paid subscriber and you have the capacity to leave a tip, that would be so appreciated.
i love you.
bye.
(follow ig, tiktok, youtube, pinterest and spotify for more)
omg, hi!! mai here — the writer of the intimacy of never talking again — just wanted to say i’m honestly freaking out (in the best way) that you read my piece and felt it enough to share. it means the world to me that you connected with it and described it so beautifully. i’ve followed you for so long, so this really feels surreal. thank you for seeing it, for feeling it, and for making my day (and honestly my whole week).
Listening to TANK! is always a good decision. 10/10