media consumption: articles, video essays, podcasts to make you smarter (vol. 16)

hello.

some weeks, i feel like i have nothing left to give, and those are the weeks i find myself writing anyway. not because i’m full, but because writing is how i remind myself i still exist beneath the exhaustion. lately, i’ve been thinking about fiction again. not in a grand, productive way, just in the way a body might miss a part of itself. the stories haven’t returned yet, but the desire is present and sometimes that’s enough to begin.

in the meantime, i’ve been collecting small things that made me feel like a person again: books, essays, scents, little joys i’ve held close in the quiet moments between everything else. here’s what’s been keeping me company.

first, a quick weekly report, and then we’ll get to the heart of today’s letter.

weekly report:

reading:

nearer the moon by anaïs nin
diary entries drenched in longing, dreams, eroticism, and unspoken ache. nin documents the inner life with such raw elegance it feels like reading someone’s soul mid-exhale. devotion, desire, and dissolution—always a little mythic, always a little sacred.

the days of abandonment by elena ferrante
a woman unravels after her husband leaves her, and it’s brutal in the most honest, necessary way. ferrante captures the sharpest edges of rage, abandonment, and womanhood with zero sentimentality. it’s not a breakdown—it’s an exorcism.

middlemarch by george eliot
a sprawling, brilliant novel about ambition, marriage, and the quiet sacrifices of becoming. dorothea is one of literature’s most complex women—idealistic, aching, luminous. eliot writes with a moral clarity that still feels radical.

the paris review, spring 2025 edition
a mix of sharp fiction, essays, and interviews, full of intellectual heat and emotional undercurrent. a perfect issue to read slowly, underline feverishly, and feel inspired by—especially the short stories, which are particularly unafraid to ache.

the lost estate by henri alain-fournier
dreamy and melancholic, like a memory you’re not sure was ever real. a young man stumbles into a mysterious estate and falls in love with a girl who seems too ethereal to stay. it’s a novel about innocence, desire, and the ache of things just out of reach.

the vet’s daughter by barbara comyns
eerie and dreamlike, with a narrator who hovers between naivety and something supernatural. a gothic fairytale wrapped in domestic horror, where grief and girlhood distort reality. short, strange, unforgettable.

lolly willows by sylvia townsend warner
a middle-aged woman leaves her suffocating family and joins a coven. feminist, witty, and oddly soothing—witchcraft here is not about spectacle but about reclaiming solitude, freedom, and the right to be left alone.

eating:

lemon loaf cake with vanilla glaze

carrot cake

artichoke parmesan streusel

strawberry rhubarb pie

fresh produce from the farmers market

playing:

classical music

gregorian chants

if film noir wore silk, quoted anaïs nin, and cried alone in the bathroom at a gallery opening

chess

obsessing:

some recent scented obsessions…

little flower – régime des fleurs
the prettiest gothic rose—soft, feminine, mournful. it smells like lace soaked in dusk and prayers said for no one.

snow moon – magic source
balmy, slightly sweet, comforting. like drinking a steamed milky chai paired with a shortbread cookie under a winter moon, wearing your favorite pajamas.

eau rose edp – diptyque
a dewy, sunlit rose with a touch of fruit. elegant but never old-fashioned. it’s the kind of scent that makes you feel brushed and kissed.

burning rose candle– byredo
rose petals on fire, smoke curling through velvet. romantic, dramatic, a little feral in the best way.

tuberose candle – diptyque
lush and creamy, like a bouquet left in a warm room. it smells expensive, devotional, and slightly forbidden.

vetiver candle – diptyque
dry, earthy, grounding. it smells like old wood and clean skin, like someone dependable but beautiful.

recommending:

strawberry picking: before the season is over, go pick strawberries with your best friend

solo trips to the museum: for days when you want to disappear

roses: i fear i’m in my rose era

treating:

i’m one mental breakdown away from pulling the trigger on eau rose edp by diptyque (i layered this with eau duelle edp by diptyque and it was the most beautiful vanilla rose i’ve ever smelled)

i would give anything for new bedsheets from tekla

laufey x catbird collection: musing over the aurora skies ring that i cannot afford

(this is clearly a wishlist, not a treating list)

as many of you know, i recently started a youtube channel. come subscribe and stay awhile ~ i covered my favorite gothic literature books and my favorite beginner philosophy books in my latest videos. <3

this next section is for paid subscribers where i share a sizable list of interesting articles, video essays, and podcast recommendations that i’ve curated throughout the week(s). today’s media consumption roundup includes a haunting essay on snow white and the exhaustion of being perceived, a deep dive into the feminist evolution of witches, disturbing philosophy, the fear of love, reflections on saint teresa of ávila and inner peace, and a few strange, brilliant takes on loneliness, failure, why milk is for freaks, and so much more…

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