Reading your pieces feels like listening to calm, soothing piano tunes on a rainy night while sipping from my coffee mug. I'm gonna get a good night's sleep now.
You’ve really outdone yourself with this one; it was such a great read. The point you brought up from Sartre about desire being performative really resonated with me. Intellectual seduction, I believe, isn’t just about deeply engaging with another person’s mind as it is also about how these engagements reflect their own self-image or offer new ways to understand themselves. In this sense, a relationship with intellectual intimacy as the forefront can be thought of as an extension of one’s ongoing self-exploration, essentially just seeing yourself or even part of yourself - that could exist or is brewing - within the another’s eye. It’s possible that intellectual exchanges aren’t always primarily about the other person at all. For many, the experience of being intellectually engaged might be just as much about personal growth and self-creation as it is about connecting with another - utimately leading to a deeper understanding of one’s inner world and the continuous process of self-creation.
I think it could also be argued that self-creation (or at least in the case for myself), particularly in regard to the mind, is less daunting than through the flesh. The mind has the ability to offer a more malleable and less physically confrontational space for self-exploration, whereas the body often demands a more direct engagement with our limitations, desires, and vulnerabilities and exposes us to discomfort and confrontation with the physical self. The mind’s fluidity allows for more control and refinement, while the flesh - bound by biological constraints and sensory experiences, can often leads to unpredictable vulnerability and existential uncertainty. Therefore while both forms can b integral, the intellectual pursuit of self-creation may indeed present itself as less intimidating and a more manageable path to understanding oneself.
TL;DR : Ur post was great and something i’ve been debating in my personal life
This is a great comment. I agree that intellectual seduction is one of the most powerful methods of self-exploration and may not be about the other person at all. However, my space for growth is learning how to be real, and to show up authentically and human, in my day-to-day relationships. I long to find the perfect recipe of combining the two, recognizing that "in the flesh" equals some level of loss and disappointment.
'If physical desire burns quickly, intellectual intimacy smolders' - God, doesn't it? Show me the life of a mind, the turn of phrase, the gait and rhythm of intonation. The way a lover's thoughts carry, turn this way and that, the preoccupations, the observations, the beliefs, the ethics. That's transfixing. The rest exhausts itself quickly.
Intellectual intimacy, although deeply fulfilling and connecting, cannot replace physical intimacy because it lacks the sensory, tactile, and emotional experiences that physical touch provides. Physical intimacy releases oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurotransmitters that foster feelings of attachment, pleasure, and relaxation. Intellectual intimacy, on the other hand, engages the mind and fosters a sense of mutual understanding and respect. While intellectual intimacy can deepen emotional connection, it cannot replicate the physical and emotional comfort that comes from physical touch and closeness. Physical intimacy provides a unique sense of safety, vulnerability, and connection that intellectual intimacy alone cannot provide.
At once provocative and eloquent. Your essay proves its own thesis; it unfolds like a literary dance of seven veils. Your evocative language seduces the reader, but coyly leaves them aching for more. Peppered throughout with more questions than answers you leave space for the reader's imagination to experience their own ecstasies. I believe in the authenticity I sense in your piece, so if it is after all performative in some sense on the author's part, then you are an expert. And must therefore be applauded either way. Simply exquisite work. Thank you truly.
perhaps for the few who do not feel sexual desire. but for the majority….i think it’s laughable to think that intellectual intimacy - generated by a willingness and zeal to look beyond the surface - can replace something so carnal, the very essence of humanity if you will. intellectual intimacy is just pure luck 🤷🏾♀️ - it requires the meeting and connection of two individuals who simultaneously choose to reject mental laziness and be vulnerable.
One is so far more common than the other for a reason.
I need to save this article for eternity. It asks all the right questions and has so many great references. I LOVE intellectual eroticism and agree that the mind has the most endless power to seduce, but I also deeply crazy for fallibility and the body and the daily routine of being human. I need a both/and in my relationships, and believe the two can be unified with care. It takes intentionality to keep writing and stimulating your lovers and friends, even whilst you're doing their laundry and picking their crumbs up off the table. My best relationships combine the two.
Beautifully written and an understated necessary message to our culture that we are driven and defined by our carnal sexuality when in fact it is more important to have a beautiful mind which is furthered by mental intimacy. Definitely physical intimacy can be splendid and exotic but combined with mental intimacy it can be outright magic.
But separation still exists at mental level too. Just like two flames can merge into one we can truly merge at soul level only. My comment may be of some help to know how?
Such a wonderful and beautiful read. The way you leave space for individual thought and exploration makes the experience feel like a shared discovery.
It reminded me of something I once heard about the female sexual experience, how, in the moment, speaking to the mind can be the most powerful approach. The female mind tends to wander, and by feeding into her imagination or voicing what is happening, it allows her mind to focus just enough for the body to surrender fully to sensation.
Intellectual intimacy and physical desire are deeply intertwined. Curiosity and mystery ignite attraction, think of old Hollywood’s secretive allure or the way high school crushes thrived on imagination alone. The mind is vast, and though we are part of a collective, we exist alone in our thoughts. That’s what makes it so profound when someone meets us there.
In a way, I see intellectual intimacy as the driver and physical connection as the moment where nothing else suffices but consuming each other completely. It’s the closest we come to the divine, to the unexplained, because why is it so rare? What is it that allows one person, out of so many, to reach so deeply? It’s magic, poetry, the unknown. When that connection is fulfilled physically, it expands even further.
I’ll have to print this out and keep it somewhere. I already know I’ll be returning to it again and again.
I think the real tragedy is the eternal conflation between the two—the idea that intellectual intimacy must be romantic in some way.
The kind of intellectual intimacy described here only exists because of the underlying physical desire. When, in reality, there’s so much lost when we only engage (mind and body) with those for whom we feel both.
Some of the deepest loves of my life are my intellectual intimates, and its intimate but not in a desiring way.
well said! portrait of a lady on fire exquisitely illustrates how this form of eroticism can be high art.
the lover acts on physicality and limits the mind. they prefer a connection for connection’s sake. the lover risks the portrait of their love deteriorating to the elements of time and life.
the artist prefers to exist in memory, honoring the connection in the physical realm only as long as the spark (intellectual & emotional stimulation) lasts. rather than tainting the memory by forcing a situation to last longer than sustainable, the artist ceases communication to maintain the integrity of picture.
Still, both parties must agree to leave so the portrait of their love remains intact. Eurydice tells Orpheus to turn around. This way, they remain together in eternity in memory— its intangibility making it all the more sweeter, precious, and of course, devastating. the carnal self still yearns for physical warmth.
I like this a lot, I think it's also important to consider that women have been so frequently left out of discussions about intellectual love.
The symposium, although an interesting piece of ancient writing, discusses "celestial vs common" love in Pausanius's speech, noting that "the Love who accompanies Celestial Aphrodite is wholly male, with no trace of femininity." Misogyny is ingrained in academic culture, and putting these works on a pedestal can sometimes perpetuate similar misogynistic ideals.
The ability to point out the failures of these works is sometimes just as important as exploring their successes. I do enjoy this discussion and hope to see more female perspectives on the matter.
This is just gorgeous! 💖 Somehow, the fact that you didn’t use capitalization just made it more beautiful and feminine. If you ever heard of Sabrina Claudio, she’s one of my favorite singers, and she has this deeply feminine vibe where she revels in being a woman, which is what I felt in reading this. 🌸
Reading your pieces feels like listening to calm, soothing piano tunes on a rainy night while sipping from my coffee mug. I'm gonna get a good night's sleep now.
I’m glad you’re here 🤎
Perfect
You described it perfectly.
Exactly!
You’ve really outdone yourself with this one; it was such a great read. The point you brought up from Sartre about desire being performative really resonated with me. Intellectual seduction, I believe, isn’t just about deeply engaging with another person’s mind as it is also about how these engagements reflect their own self-image or offer new ways to understand themselves. In this sense, a relationship with intellectual intimacy as the forefront can be thought of as an extension of one’s ongoing self-exploration, essentially just seeing yourself or even part of yourself - that could exist or is brewing - within the another’s eye. It’s possible that intellectual exchanges aren’t always primarily about the other person at all. For many, the experience of being intellectually engaged might be just as much about personal growth and self-creation as it is about connecting with another - utimately leading to a deeper understanding of one’s inner world and the continuous process of self-creation.
I think it could also be argued that self-creation (or at least in the case for myself), particularly in regard to the mind, is less daunting than through the flesh. The mind has the ability to offer a more malleable and less physically confrontational space for self-exploration, whereas the body often demands a more direct engagement with our limitations, desires, and vulnerabilities and exposes us to discomfort and confrontation with the physical self. The mind’s fluidity allows for more control and refinement, while the flesh - bound by biological constraints and sensory experiences, can often leads to unpredictable vulnerability and existential uncertainty. Therefore while both forms can b integral, the intellectual pursuit of self-creation may indeed present itself as less intimidating and a more manageable path to understanding oneself.
TL;DR : Ur post was great and something i’ve been debating in my personal life
This is a great comment. I agree that intellectual seduction is one of the most powerful methods of self-exploration and may not be about the other person at all. However, my space for growth is learning how to be real, and to show up authentically and human, in my day-to-day relationships. I long to find the perfect recipe of combining the two, recognizing that "in the flesh" equals some level of loss and disappointment.
'If physical desire burns quickly, intellectual intimacy smolders' - God, doesn't it? Show me the life of a mind, the turn of phrase, the gait and rhythm of intonation. The way a lover's thoughts carry, turn this way and that, the preoccupations, the observations, the beliefs, the ethics. That's transfixing. The rest exhausts itself quickly.
Here's a revised attempt:
Intellectual intimacy, although deeply fulfilling and connecting, cannot replace physical intimacy because it lacks the sensory, tactile, and emotional experiences that physical touch provides. Physical intimacy releases oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurotransmitters that foster feelings of attachment, pleasure, and relaxation. Intellectual intimacy, on the other hand, engages the mind and fosters a sense of mutual understanding and respect. While intellectual intimacy can deepen emotional connection, it cannot replicate the physical and emotional comfort that comes from physical touch and closeness. Physical intimacy provides a unique sense of safety, vulnerability, and connection that intellectual intimacy alone cannot provide.
At once provocative and eloquent. Your essay proves its own thesis; it unfolds like a literary dance of seven veils. Your evocative language seduces the reader, but coyly leaves them aching for more. Peppered throughout with more questions than answers you leave space for the reader's imagination to experience their own ecstasies. I believe in the authenticity I sense in your piece, so if it is after all performative in some sense on the author's part, then you are an expert. And must therefore be applauded either way. Simply exquisite work. Thank you truly.
perhaps for the few who do not feel sexual desire. but for the majority….i think it’s laughable to think that intellectual intimacy - generated by a willingness and zeal to look beyond the surface - can replace something so carnal, the very essence of humanity if you will. intellectual intimacy is just pure luck 🤷🏾♀️ - it requires the meeting and connection of two individuals who simultaneously choose to reject mental laziness and be vulnerable.
One is so far more common than the other for a reason.
“Reject mental laziness and be vulnerable” sounds like a principle i need to remind myself of when socializing, unironically😂
I need to save this article for eternity. It asks all the right questions and has so many great references. I LOVE intellectual eroticism and agree that the mind has the most endless power to seduce, but I also deeply crazy for fallibility and the body and the daily routine of being human. I need a both/and in my relationships, and believe the two can be unified with care. It takes intentionality to keep writing and stimulating your lovers and friends, even whilst you're doing their laundry and picking their crumbs up off the table. My best relationships combine the two.
I agree with you. Unification by merging can happen at level of soul or spirit level only. Body, mind and spirit are different levels of same love. https://joshuto.substack.com/p/sex-is-the-seed-live-is-the-flower-and-compassion-is-the-fragrance-59fd02e155ae
WOW!!! That’s all I can say…!! ❤️
🤎🤎🤎🤎
this resonated so much with me. this is exactly why i form obsessions- the lingering promise of what could be, even if it doesn't exist for now.
Beautifully written and an understated necessary message to our culture that we are driven and defined by our carnal sexuality when in fact it is more important to have a beautiful mind which is furthered by mental intimacy. Definitely physical intimacy can be splendid and exotic but combined with mental intimacy it can be outright magic.
But separation still exists at mental level too. Just like two flames can merge into one we can truly merge at soul level only. My comment may be of some help to know how?
This piece spoke to me like nothing ever has.
Such a wonderful and beautiful read. The way you leave space for individual thought and exploration makes the experience feel like a shared discovery.
It reminded me of something I once heard about the female sexual experience, how, in the moment, speaking to the mind can be the most powerful approach. The female mind tends to wander, and by feeding into her imagination or voicing what is happening, it allows her mind to focus just enough for the body to surrender fully to sensation.
Intellectual intimacy and physical desire are deeply intertwined. Curiosity and mystery ignite attraction, think of old Hollywood’s secretive allure or the way high school crushes thrived on imagination alone. The mind is vast, and though we are part of a collective, we exist alone in our thoughts. That’s what makes it so profound when someone meets us there.
In a way, I see intellectual intimacy as the driver and physical connection as the moment where nothing else suffices but consuming each other completely. It’s the closest we come to the divine, to the unexplained, because why is it so rare? What is it that allows one person, out of so many, to reach so deeply? It’s magic, poetry, the unknown. When that connection is fulfilled physically, it expands even further.
I’ll have to print this out and keep it somewhere. I already know I’ll be returning to it again and again.
I think the real tragedy is the eternal conflation between the two—the idea that intellectual intimacy must be romantic in some way.
The kind of intellectual intimacy described here only exists because of the underlying physical desire. When, in reality, there’s so much lost when we only engage (mind and body) with those for whom we feel both.
Some of the deepest loves of my life are my intellectual intimates, and its intimate but not in a desiring way.
well said! portrait of a lady on fire exquisitely illustrates how this form of eroticism can be high art.
the lover acts on physicality and limits the mind. they prefer a connection for connection’s sake. the lover risks the portrait of their love deteriorating to the elements of time and life.
the artist prefers to exist in memory, honoring the connection in the physical realm only as long as the spark (intellectual & emotional stimulation) lasts. rather than tainting the memory by forcing a situation to last longer than sustainable, the artist ceases communication to maintain the integrity of picture.
Still, both parties must agree to leave so the portrait of their love remains intact. Eurydice tells Orpheus to turn around. This way, they remain together in eternity in memory— its intangibility making it all the more sweeter, precious, and of course, devastating. the carnal self still yearns for physical warmth.
I like this a lot, I think it's also important to consider that women have been so frequently left out of discussions about intellectual love.
The symposium, although an interesting piece of ancient writing, discusses "celestial vs common" love in Pausanius's speech, noting that "the Love who accompanies Celestial Aphrodite is wholly male, with no trace of femininity." Misogyny is ingrained in academic culture, and putting these works on a pedestal can sometimes perpetuate similar misogynistic ideals.
The ability to point out the failures of these works is sometimes just as important as exploring their successes. I do enjoy this discussion and hope to see more female perspectives on the matter.
This is just gorgeous! 💖 Somehow, the fact that you didn’t use capitalization just made it more beautiful and feminine. If you ever heard of Sabrina Claudio, she’s one of my favorite singers, and she has this deeply feminine vibe where she revels in being a woman, which is what I felt in reading this. 🌸