without the cinematic framing, loneliness becomes something shapeless and enigmatic—a dull weight and quiet absence that lingers in the corners of ordinary days.
Responding to the question, "Are you a lonely person?" in an interview with Mike Wallace 1974, famous singer of the time Maria Callas responds, "Not really, we have to be alone. I feel the necessity to be alone frequently, It's our work. I don't fear loneliness because I'm never alone, I have friends, I have my own interior world, I could live with myself for weeks. I don't need other people but I know that other people are willing to be with me when I want, so I'm not really alone."
Reading your essay brought me back to this and specifically the line, "It's our work [to be alone]." because it really is hard grueling work beyond the performance of aestheticized loneliness. Like you said at the end of the day, at the curtain call, when we no longer have an audience to perform for whether that's our own self or others, we must face the bluntness of it, the nagging of it. Loneliness at its core is not romantic, it isn't beautiful or kind in any way. Part of what it is to be human is to understand that yes man was not meant to be alone but to also learn what it is to be alone and how to sit with that emptiness. In what Maria Callas mentioned as 'our work' I believe it is the same thing you are asking us here, "What happens when we stop trying to make it beautiful and just let it be?" The question will be on my mind for the coming weeks.
“real loneliness is none of those things. it’s letting the phone ring because answering feels like too much effort. it’s walking home at night and realizing no one is expecting you. it’s scrolling through messages without the energy to respond. it’s silence that does not beg to be filled, only endured.”
This this this this this. I find that one thing to be touched on is that we can be very happy with our social lives, but feel lonely in a specific situation. This is especially seen during any grief, I think. We can feel the support and love coming from our community and not feel lonely overall, but still struggle in that way with a specific experience in life and not life as a whole, when we don’t know anyone who has gone through something similar enough to relate. The experience then becomes a taboo in our community, often by our own doing. To me, it is the more common and draining, but less talked about version of loneliness.
A very solid summary of Heidegger’s thoughts on the topic. Slightly deprived of the ontological aspect, but perhaps that’s a good thing in this particular essay, as it allows a clearer focus on the existential part. It’s a first text of yours that I have read and I definitely look forward to becoming acquainted with the rest of them
You pen this at an interesting time of year. It’s Lent. Jesus is wondering alone in the desert. He is either facing hisself or the Devil or perhaps both?
What an amazing piece! It makes me think about how performative everything is—not just aloneness, but also success and failure, the hustle, the readers, the writers, the singers, the dancers, the coders, the visionaries, the dreamers. Do we strip away all meaning the moment we value the performance more than the rehearsal? Perhaps.
the loneliness comes maybe from consciousness. now imagine a second consciousness squeezing in there, crawling up in there to keep your consciousness company...
Beautifully expressed. I appreciate you for opening your heart through your thoughts.
Perhaps we are all castaways, like Tom Hanks, and social media is our Mr. Wilson. Perhaps connection lies not across the empty sea outside of ourselves, but somewhere within our own deserted island self.
After facing your isolation head on, what is the next step? To release the creative spark that inspires your writing? Perhaps therein somewhere lies the animating force we look for in social connection.
Another great essay. The last few essays you wrote were just phenomenal.
I absolutely love the line you draw between solitude and loneliness -- solitude is chosen, loneliness is imposed. Beautiful as always, Caitlyn!
Responding to the question, "Are you a lonely person?" in an interview with Mike Wallace 1974, famous singer of the time Maria Callas responds, "Not really, we have to be alone. I feel the necessity to be alone frequently, It's our work. I don't fear loneliness because I'm never alone, I have friends, I have my own interior world, I could live with myself for weeks. I don't need other people but I know that other people are willing to be with me when I want, so I'm not really alone."
Reading your essay brought me back to this and specifically the line, "It's our work [to be alone]." because it really is hard grueling work beyond the performance of aestheticized loneliness. Like you said at the end of the day, at the curtain call, when we no longer have an audience to perform for whether that's our own self or others, we must face the bluntness of it, the nagging of it. Loneliness at its core is not romantic, it isn't beautiful or kind in any way. Part of what it is to be human is to understand that yes man was not meant to be alone but to also learn what it is to be alone and how to sit with that emptiness. In what Maria Callas mentioned as 'our work' I believe it is the same thing you are asking us here, "What happens when we stop trying to make it beautiful and just let it be?" The question will be on my mind for the coming weeks.
Thank you for this essay.
I love you too.
Bye.
I'm realizing I'd love to read a book of your essays
never thought i’d feel anything about heidegger after zoning out through those lectures in uni.
but this made it all click. weirdly beautiful, actually.
Thank you for making me reflect on loneliness and solitude for my morning coffee. I’ll dive in to some of the books for further exploration!
Loved reading the whole piece!
“real loneliness is none of those things. it’s letting the phone ring because answering feels like too much effort. it’s walking home at night and realizing no one is expecting you. it’s scrolling through messages without the energy to respond. it’s silence that does not beg to be filled, only endured.”
This this this this this. I find that one thing to be touched on is that we can be very happy with our social lives, but feel lonely in a specific situation. This is especially seen during any grief, I think. We can feel the support and love coming from our community and not feel lonely overall, but still struggle in that way with a specific experience in life and not life as a whole, when we don’t know anyone who has gone through something similar enough to relate. The experience then becomes a taboo in our community, often by our own doing. To me, it is the more common and draining, but less talked about version of loneliness.
A very solid summary of Heidegger’s thoughts on the topic. Slightly deprived of the ontological aspect, but perhaps that’s a good thing in this particular essay, as it allows a clearer focus on the existential part. It’s a first text of yours that I have read and I definitely look forward to becoming acquainted with the rest of them
You pen this at an interesting time of year. It’s Lent. Jesus is wondering alone in the desert. He is either facing hisself or the Devil or perhaps both?
Buddha had to sit with hisself back in his day
What an amazing piece! It makes me think about how performative everything is—not just aloneness, but also success and failure, the hustle, the readers, the writers, the singers, the dancers, the coders, the visionaries, the dreamers. Do we strip away all meaning the moment we value the performance more than the rehearsal? Perhaps.
the loneliness comes maybe from consciousness. now imagine a second consciousness squeezing in there, crawling up in there to keep your consciousness company...
I love everything about milk fed & look forward to every article but girl you have got to stop linking Amazon at least for books please!
You are well read !! but also do not neglect reading more upbeat work !!!
Beautifully expressed. I appreciate you for opening your heart through your thoughts.
Perhaps we are all castaways, like Tom Hanks, and social media is our Mr. Wilson. Perhaps connection lies not across the empty sea outside of ourselves, but somewhere within our own deserted island self.
After facing your isolation head on, what is the next step? To release the creative spark that inspires your writing? Perhaps therein somewhere lies the animating force we look for in social connection.