i hate gilmore girls… and what your favorite rory gilmore boyfriend says about you

hello.

gilmore girls was a show that was recommended to me a multitude of times over the past several years and i put it off reluctantly up until this last year. while the promising aspects of comfort and cozy picturesque autumnal atmospheric aesthetics delivered throughout the course of the series, i was often disappointed and annoyed at how problematic most of the characters were and the lackluster character development from some of my favorite people as the seasons progressed. from a relatability standpoint, there are some similarities between the relationship i have with my daughter and that of lorelai and rory’s, particularly our closeness in age and the dynamics in our openness with one another. but, for charlee and me, it's always been just the two of us throughout her entire life—she's now 13. i spent a lot of her early childhood years working and going to university while raising her alone, and here i am again almost 10 years later, in the same situation (by choice). we’re also completely antithetical of being “boy crazy”, which seems to drive many of the plots throughout each season. so with that said, i’m writing this hot take of a letter to you with a unique perspective.

this is a show that simultaneously frustrates and comforts me in equal measure. and let me tell you what i mean…

characters like rory gilmore can evoke a complex range of emotions, especially when they resonate with our own personal experiences. in the early seasons of gilmore girls, rory’s character is relatable and somewhat endearing, particularly to those of us who are mildly autistic and thrive in the intense pursuit of academic validation. this first season was the one i related to the most, but more so with rory, not lorelai. i also resonated deeply with the close relationship she had with her mother which mimics mine and my daughter’s relationship. the late night runs to the store to get candy and junk food to watch a film together on a random tuesday, ‘take your kid to work’ days, lying together in bed for late night talks, the ‘i thought you were sisters’ remarks, that scene from the very first episode when that guy hits on lorelai then rory not realized they were mother and daughter at luke’s, and the love and protectiveness lorelai feels toward rory. it’s unconventional, non traditional, and flawed, but deeply rooted in love, just like us. these moments brought me utmost comfort.

but as rory transitions from high school gunner to yale drop out, her character's evolution rapidly plummets and flat lines- a shift from being a relatable quirky hermoine granger coded student to someone whose behaviors and choices become increasingly frustrating and cringe. the disrespect and entitlement she brings into all of her relationships grants her the ultimate unlikeable protagonist award. i wouldn’t have had such an issue with this if eventually she learned from it and grew the fuck up. but her character development remains stagnant, making the same mistakes repeatedly without significant growth.

i realize there are many characters on this show who deserve their own letters and in-depth analysis’. paris geller, for example, is my favorite character. i adore her and she deserved so much better than rory as a friend. and lain, too… don’t even get me started, they did her so dirty!! jess, rory’s grandparents, lain, paris, lorelai, luke, etc- they all need a full essay’s worth of conversation. but for the sake of today’s letter, i’m focusing on rory.

some key points on rory that infuriate me and make me want to rip my hair out:

sense of entitlement: rory often exhibits a sense of entitlement that stems from her upbringing and the expectations set by her family and community. this becomes particularly evident when she reacts disproportionately to setbacks.

relationships: her romantic relationships are another major source of frustration. rory’s interactions with her partners often lack depth and maturity. she frequently makes impulsive decisions that hurt others, such as cheating on dean with jess (even though i loathe dean with all of my entirety so he deserved it), and later her affair with logan. these actions highlight a disregard for the feelings and commitments of others.

career and life choices: rory’s career path is also problematic. her decision to drop out of yale after receiving criticism from mitchum huntzberger demonstrates a lack of perseverance. instead of using the criticism as a motivator to improve, she retreats, which is not reflective of the resilient character she’s initially portrayed to be.

friendship toxicity: lain deserved so much more. paris deserved so much more. rory was a terrible friend to both of them. this bothered me so much and it was difficult to watch. do you remember the episode when jess, paris, and rory were all at home eating together having in depth conversations and witty banter? (is that mac and cheese?) the vibes were on fire and i wanted more of that! but then dean’s fugly frankenstein ass had to prance in and ruin the party and rory let him. period.

lack of growth: perhaps one of the most frustrating aspects of rory's character is her lack of growth. despite numerous opportunities for self-improvement, she often makes the same mistakes repeatedly. her return to stars hollow in the revival series without a clear career path or personal development is a testament to this stagnation. it suggests a failure to evolve past her high school and college years, maintaining the same privileged and often naïve worldview.

unrealistic depiction: rory's life, filled with opportunities and minimal real-world consequences, provides an unrealistic depiction of young adulthood. her ability to travel, attend elite institutions, and constantly rely on her family’s financial support without significant challenges diminishes the relatability of her character and makes her even more unlikeable, especially seeing how she immaturely threw it all away… and for what?

yet, despite all of these irritating and infuriating valid points about rory, many people find themselves returning to stars hollow every year during autumn. yes, i will agree with you that there is an undeniable charm in the picturesque setting of gilmore girls, with its comforting predictability. the show's nostalgic quality and the warmth of the mother-daughter relationship aspect between lorelai and rory (during the earlier seasons) offer a soothing escape from our reality.

having reflected on my feelings, i’ve realized that if i had watched this show at 14 years old, not only would i be completely obsessed, but i would also be utterly infatuated with jess. (still am). i might even feel differently about it had i watched it during my teen years and revisited it as an adult. but as i’ve grown up, it’s been difficult to sit through problematic (cringe) media. don’t we get enough of that being chronically online?

again, i cannot deny how picturesque and comforting this show can be. and if you’re someone who enjoys this show, believe me, i understand why, especially during the cozier months. there are moments that warm my heart and make me want to find my own jess and live in a cozy cottage in new england (then eventually back to nyc because we would both get bored). during this season, if i do end up putting on gilmore girls for comforting background noise, I’ll be picky about which episodes i choose to watch.

(2.10, 2.13, 2.16, 2.19, 2.21, 2.22, 3.7, 3.15, 3.19, 4.13, 4.21, 6.8, 6.18) <3

to end this letter on a light hearted note, let’s talk about rory’s boyfriends. we all had a favorite, right? each boy had their own problems, but they all felt so different from one another so i’m curious to know which one you claimed as your own imaginary lover…

here’s how i see you based on your favorite rory gilmore boyfriend:

jess (my favorite, he’s mine, but if he’s yours, we can share <3)

if you favorite is jess, it suggests you appreciate complexity and growth. jess is the quintessential bad boy with a troubled past, but he evolves into a passionate and thoughtful individual. liking him indicates you value characters who challenge societal norms and embark on a journey of self-discovery. you likely resonate with his artistic spirit and ambition, seeing potential in those who are often misunderstood. i don’t know how to explain it, but jess to me feels like alex g orrrrrr cigarettes after sex. and because he’s my favorite boyfriend, i made a playlist that feels like holding hands with jess while wandering around your favorite nyc bookstores then going to metrograph to watch a bitchy film sitting in the back row of the theatre making out and eating candy then finishing the evening going to a cult favorite bar in the lower east side slow dancing to linger by the cranberries.

dean

if dean is your favorite, it suggests that you likely appreciate a partner who is caring, reflecting a desire for a nurturing dynamic. however, you might also have a tendency to overlook possessive or controlling behaviors, indicating that you prioritize security over independence. this preference may reveal a comfort in familiar relationships and a desire for a traditional love story.

dean, you’re tacky and i hate you.

logan

if logan is your favorite, it indicates you’re attracted to ambition and charm, appreciating someone who is both adventurous and intellectually stimulating. you likely enjoy the thrill of spontaneity and a partner who challenges you to step out of your comfort zone. however, this preference might also suggest that you’re drawn to individuals with a sense of entitlement or who can be manipulative, reflecting a complexity in your taste for romance that embraces both excitement and potential conflict.

a very punchable face.

tristan

if you lean towards tristan, it might suggest that you appreciate charisma and a playful spirit, enjoying characters who bring a sense of fun and flirtation to the narrative. you may be drawn to his charm and humor, valuing lighthearted interactions. however, this preference could also indicate that you might overlook deeper emotional connections, favoring surface-level attraction and excitement over substantial growth or maturity in relationships.

a man child.

in my dream world, rory would grow the fuck up and then eventually end up with paris geller. rory would be a bad ass journalist writing for the new york times or the new yorker and paris would be a bad ass chief of surgery md at lenox hill. but paris is way too good for rory so…

lastly, if you have similar feelings about gilmore girls are you’re looking for book and show recommendations for a replacement (ehm, normal people), check out my autumn master list- i have lots of media recs and other goodies on there, especially pertinent for the cozier months.

if you’re interested in more in depth discussions on other gilmore girls characters, let me know below and i’ll expand in future newsletters. media is a powerful tool of escapism, and i always enjoy conversations on films, books, and shows that put us in our feelings.

okay, that’s all for now.

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i love you.

bye.

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