let's talk about sex
Hello.
This post is for the girls, the gays, and the theys.
If you don’t fall under those three categories, please exit and come back for tomorrow’s post.
Now that we’re all here, let’s get into today’s letter.
No, I’m not sharing sex stories (should we?), but I do want to talk about sex, sexual wellness, sex positive resources, etc. This is coming from someone who is not an expert and someone who has sexual trauma. It’s taken a lot of time and a lot of therapy to come to a place where I can slowly get back into a healthier relationship with sex. And it’s Sunday, so feels fitting to write about wellness through a more intimate and exciting lens.
To preface, I convinced myself for over a decade that I was asexual. Turns out, I just fucking hate men <3 I went through a long period of time where I didn’t think I was deserving of love, relationships, or a healthy sex life. I was a master masochist and self deprecative in the most insufferable unlikeable way. I was also terrified of rejection, especially from women. I’m able to talk about this openly with you now because I’m finally at a place now where I know exactly what I want. I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less. And I don’t waste my time, energy, and effort on people who don’t respect that (in both platonic and romantic relationships). I hope you’re right there with me, too.
So if you’re healing from sexual trauma or looking for ways to have a healthier sex positive relationship with yourself and your partner(s), I'm going to share some things that I’ve enjoyed. Again, I’m no expert, but these are things that have helped me heal.
Audio Erotica:
Audio erotica changed everything for me. I’m an audio learner and sounds, music, etc strike a deep emotional chord in my soul. So when I discovered this, I felt myself begin to heal.
-Quinn: Listen to Billie and Cera. Thank me later. Compromised is a great series voiced by Victoria Pedretti that follows Agent Andie Jones, who embarks on a quest to recover stolen data from an international criminal known as "The Collector". The opening episode, "The Tourist," features an enemies-to-lovers plot. A banger.
-Dipsea: Another platform that blends audio erotica with wellness. It's geared primarily towards women. They have steamy stories to wellness sessions designed to enhance personal intimacy. It's co-founded by Gina Gutierrez and Faye Keegan, who started it in 2018 with the idea of creating a space where audio erotica meets mindfulness. We love to see it.
Toys: “I heard you like magic, I’ve got a wand and a rabbit”
-Magic Wand by Lovehoney
-OG Sucking Vibrator by Tracy’s Dog: If you’re not going to buy it, at least go look at the reviews. I promise it will make your day.
-Lipstick Bullet Vibrator by We Vibe
-Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace: Obsessed with this one.
Maude makes the best lube. They also make great wipes and other hygiene products, too.
And if you’re looking for an everyday balm for intimate areas, Rosebud makes a great one.
Podcasts:
-Come As You Are: Based off of her best selling book, Dr. Emily Nagoski answers your questions about sex backed by the latest science.
-Lesbian Supper Club: I spoke about them one of my recent newsletters. I fucking love them so much. I we had a Scarlet and Freya in the US. The world needs more of them.
-Are you a tumblr girl, too? I’ve been following Eileen Kelly for years. She birthed the infamous sexual wellness tumblr Killer and a Sweet Thang- a page with a cult following that discusses sex, love, identity and health. She also has a podcast called Going Mental, which I love.
Books:
-All About Love by Bell Hooks: An exploration about the various facets of love and how they impact our personal and social lives. It's great for sexual wellness because it promotes a healthier, more empathetic approach to relationships and self-love.
-Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: Nagoski demystifies the science of sexuality and debunks common sexual myths, making it invaluable for fostering a positive sexual self-image and understanding.
-Sex For One by Betty Dodson: Celebrating self-love and masturbation, this book empowers individuals to explore their own bodies without shame, promoting sexual health and self-confidence.
-Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz: This book focuses on female sexual pleasure, particularly the importance of the clitoris, advocating for a more balanced and fulfilling sexual experience.
-Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon: A mix of sex education and fun, this book provides a practical and inclusive guide to lesbian sexuality, making it a staple for understanding queer women's sexual health.
-Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman: Comprehensive and informative, this book offers a thorough exploration of lesbian sexuality, emphasizing safe and consensual practices that enhance sexual wellness.
TV Shows:
-Sex Education: With its candid and humorous take on sexual issues faced by teenagers and adults, this show promotes open discussions about a range of topics related to sexual health.
-Insecure: This series explores the complexities of modern relationships and personal growth, including the sexual experiences of contemporary Black women, with a refreshingly honest and relatable approach.
-Fleabag: Sharp and witty, this show delves into the complexities of female sexuality and emotional turmoil, offering a raw and unfiltered look at the protagonist's personal struggles.
-The L Word: Pioneering in its representation of lesbian relationships, this show tackles a variety of sexual identities and norms, promoting greater visibility and understanding within the LGBTQ+ community.
Misc:
-Flo App: A comprehensive women's health app, Flo helps track menstrual cycles and provides tailored health insights, supporting women in understanding their bodies better.
-Cosmopolitan Magazine: I used to sneak copies of my mom’s Cosmo magazines when I was a tween/ teen. Known for its bold coverage of sex and relationships, Cosmopolitan encourages open dialogue about sexuality, offering tips and stories that aim to destigmatize sexual topics.
-Goop: Yes… I know this is controversial, but there’s something very comforting and entertaining about these articles and browsing their very expensive and overpriced online storefront.
Okay, that’s all for today. I hope this helps <3
Love you.
Bye.