Existence is a roving across surfaces. In a material world, depth is not discovered but constructed. We adopt identities — any will do — and through exposure to books, art, and media, we weave meaning into them. It is not that we uncover who we are; we become by building. To insist on penetrating beyond the surface is to encounter only the void. Life does not reward endless probing. It rewards commitment: to an identity, to another. Be something. Love someone.
Anyway. Adore your musings Caitlyn. And will wonder about what Eric wrote as well.
As someone who has lived long enough to be pretty old, I feel most akin to river rocks or driftwood that are worn by weather water and wind. It is less painful to be tossed around by life at this point. I am grateful for that.
Rilke said learn to love the questions themselves. I suppose we also should learn to love the abyss, softly and carefully.
Thank you for writing and for the lovely haunting aching photos you post.
Beautiful text as always, Caitlyn. What I read through all of this is a sense of disconnect. Of course we’ll feel like our life and minds are spinning out of control if we have nothing to anchor ourselves to. Of course we feel the need to follow every consumerist want if we aren’t grounded in what matters to us. The days that I focus my attention on grounding, connecting with my body and needs, the world and the people I love are the days when I feel the most at peace. I’ve found that a lot of that nervous stuck energy we have comes from us not giving it a direction, whether that’s creatively, physically or intellectually. This is why I think it’s important to let our body and mind move the way they ask, even if it may look strange to others. If we do the little stims, stop to build a snowman if there’s time, take an extra moment to read that poster, and maybe then we’ll be connecting our energy to the greater web and slowly finding ourselves closer to “god”.
As an older person, your piece resonates with me. I feel just as lost and disoriented as you do, and I want to thank you for giving voice to the human struggle of living in this broken world. You give me hope - something that is in short supply these days.
Caitlyn, I hope you know that a lot of hungry souls out there are being fed by your words + beautifully curated posts & videos. The shared resonance that people are responding with is palpable. You are offering community. It is rare to have this gift.
Sending you back some cup filling nourishment through the ether. ✨
Not sure how I found you originally, but this is quickly becoming one of my favorite substacks. Its nice to see someone else just fucking gets it and feels the same as I do about being an adult. Everything seems crazier by the day. This is the most wild time to be alive in human history.
Sometimes I think we get so used to feeling sad and angry and hopeless that any other feeling is rejected. Like we’re so comfortable with the negativity of the world that to see the light in it is almost foreign. This was beautiful, just like you. Also, never change. Thank you for your words.
Existence is a roving across surfaces. In a material world, depth is not discovered but constructed. We adopt identities — any will do — and through exposure to books, art, and media, we weave meaning into them. It is not that we uncover who we are; we become by building. To insist on penetrating beyond the surface is to encounter only the void. Life does not reward endless probing. It rewards commitment: to an identity, to another. Be something. Love someone.
This!!
Can you say more? This?
Anyway. Adore your musings Caitlyn. And will wonder about what Eric wrote as well.
As someone who has lived long enough to be pretty old, I feel most akin to river rocks or driftwood that are worn by weather water and wind. It is less painful to be tossed around by life at this point. I am grateful for that.
Rilke said learn to love the questions themselves. I suppose we also should learn to love the abyss, softly and carefully.
Thank you for writing and for the lovely haunting aching photos you post.
I love this, the idea that there isn’t a truth to uncover within us, but one we can create with every breath.
This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time. I feel seen. Thank you x
I’m glad it resonates 🤎
Beautiful text as always, Caitlyn. What I read through all of this is a sense of disconnect. Of course we’ll feel like our life and minds are spinning out of control if we have nothing to anchor ourselves to. Of course we feel the need to follow every consumerist want if we aren’t grounded in what matters to us. The days that I focus my attention on grounding, connecting with my body and needs, the world and the people I love are the days when I feel the most at peace. I’ve found that a lot of that nervous stuck energy we have comes from us not giving it a direction, whether that’s creatively, physically or intellectually. This is why I think it’s important to let our body and mind move the way they ask, even if it may look strange to others. If we do the little stims, stop to build a snowman if there’s time, take an extra moment to read that poster, and maybe then we’ll be connecting our energy to the greater web and slowly finding ourselves closer to “god”.
I love this
As an older person, your piece resonates with me. I feel just as lost and disoriented as you do, and I want to thank you for giving voice to the human struggle of living in this broken world. You give me hope - something that is in short supply these days.
🤎🤎🤎
Caitlyn, I hope you know that a lot of hungry souls out there are being fed by your words + beautifully curated posts & videos. The shared resonance that people are responding with is palpable. You are offering community. It is rare to have this gift.
Sending you back some cup filling nourishment through the ether. ✨
🥺🥺 thank you for this
❤️
wow wow wow. one of my favorite things you've ever written. i felt this so much
Thank you!! 🥺 I adore your newsletter so much
Not sure how I found you originally, but this is quickly becoming one of my favorite substacks. Its nice to see someone else just fucking gets it and feels the same as I do about being an adult. Everything seems crazier by the day. This is the most wild time to be alive in human history.
Thank you so much for this!
I still haven't learnt how to say thank you to you. The comments are also very lovely.
Woke up this morning unable to get out of bed. Opened my email to read this and I feel lighter. Thank you. 💚
Awe!! 🥺🤎
Been reading about hermetic ideas of the ancient Egypt. One of the ways back to the original soul inside of us all, is to have wonder and awe again.
Hell yeah it is.
you've captured exactly how i've been feeling lately. thank you x
🤎🤎
This was such a timely read! I feel seen. Thank you for thinking deeply and writing this 💜
Sometimes I think we get so used to feeling sad and angry and hopeless that any other feeling is rejected. Like we’re so comfortable with the negativity of the world that to see the light in it is almost foreign. This was beautiful, just like you. Also, never change. Thank you for your words.
i wanted to restack the whole thing. such an amazing read . thank you for this. <33
Awe thank you!
I feel seen by this. Thank you for giving words to what I’ve been feeling for years.
You are a beautiful writer, and the recommended reading was greatly appreciated because I want to drown in this topic. Thank you x