Also grew up as a weird girl who became a little more “normal” over time but now I just mostly keep to myself in adulthood because it’s hard to find friends who aren’t trying to social climb, maintain a certain aesthetic, are users, focus on surface level topics and drama, etc. A lot of people also hide behind the “girls’ girl” facade to get away with mean girl behavior. At a certain point you realize quality >>> quantity when it comes to friendships and become more ok with spending time with yourself.
I feel this so deeply. I feel like in order to make friends I have to pretend and be someone I’m not. I desperately want super close and intimate friendships but I don’t thinks that’s possible when all parties are being shallow and surface level. I really appreciate reading this because I’ve really felt so alone in this experience.
i find myself half relating to you and half relating to the blond haired sally. introvert at my core, but will challenge a weird aura until i just.. can't be bothered to fight anymore haha! The fact you simply accepted the end of the war and began a friendship is very paris geller coded too.
If anything, this post made me realise us weird girls come in many forms. you will find your people <3
Love the Paris from Gilmore Girls drop! It sounds like I’m the type that’s always been incredibly excited to be friends with people like you. I’m weird but also extroverted and fiercely protective, which my introverted strange friends seem to love. And I hate small talk and must speak of death and alternate universes and trauma sprinkled with dark humor and the most niche things ever. All that to say, you sound cool af and I would totally be your friend ❤️
I don’t have autism so i can’t share your viewpoint but i have had my fair share of shyness and uneasiness around making friends with girls/women. Finding people who get you can be so hard. I will say my favorite people are the ones that have a hard outer shell. Also I think being a girls girl is difficult because it has a lot of unspoken rules or “girl codes” around etiquette. For example not dating your best friend’s ex or not letting a woman walk around with her skirt stuck to her tights. If you are choosing to do stuff that doesn’t hurt other women, or helps them out.. you are most likely a girls girl.
as a late-diagnosed autistic weird girl, albeit on the extraverted spectrum, I could not have related to this harder. it was always especially tough for me because of my need to socialize in my youth and having everyone look at me like something was wrong with me whenever i started unmasking because it was always so hard for me to mask because i was a huge yapper. I'm very grateful that in my adulthood i found my bunch filled with other ND weirdos who are helping to rewire my brain, but i'm not going to lie when I saw that scene in Queen's Gambit where Beth is invited to the girls party and leaves early because she just doesn't know how to relate or interact with them, i cried. it reminded me far too much of my middle and high school experiences. alsoooo, i've had Weird Girl from Frankenweenie as my pfp on my IG foreeeever I even dressed like her for my senior spirit week in high school and ofc no one got it! all this blabbing to say is that I'm certain we'd be besties you already have a very warm space in my heart <3
Well written my dear! I totally get the comfort of talking of books thing, partly because it was something my grandmother and I did together, and partly because it is safer to talk about what I know rather than who I am.
im an istj and making friends is something I've struggled with. I do want to make friends and feel the connection but I also don't due to massive trust issues and sometimes lack of interest in people. I'm always in between and entangled with my thoughts. I'm glad to know someone's feeling perplexed and miserable as I do lol
What a wonderful post, I had to smile as I read it. <3
How do you make new friends in general as an INTJ? Are you one of those people who would like to make new connections, but just don't know how, because the obligatory small talk gets in the way?
I have superficial friendships, but I really enjoy them, even if they are full of small talk (your worst nightmare, haha). But I usually don't have to do much talking and just listen, which I prefer all day, everyday. I don't mind the masking. Like you, being alone is very, very important to me, and many friendships, at least in my circle of friends, understand it to a certain extent, but don't really accept it, because I don't even make any exceptions - if I've planned a solo date, it stays that way, even if someone wants to join me. I don't make new friends and I don't pine for any connections. But I also make very clear that I'm quite antisocial when introducing myself, haha. Some people think its charming, yet very few people understand the full extent of it.
Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your start at university! <3
Ooh, I truly understand! I also enjoy listening. And don’t get me started on people watching 😍 thank you for your kind words. It sounds like you’ve found contentment in your circle which is all that matters. No one has to understand. Just you
“i’ve found that most gay men either love or loathe the dark and twisty introverted weird girls. regardless, there is no one i love more than the twinks and the girls. last note here to the girls and the gays… the jock/bro type boys love weird girls even though they will never admit it. that qb boy in high school who made fun of you? there is nothing he wanted more than to consume and devour every single inch of you.” Honey, do I have some STORIES to prove this true😭
How to make friends is the mystery I can not solve.
Also grew up as a weird girl who became a little more “normal” over time but now I just mostly keep to myself in adulthood because it’s hard to find friends who aren’t trying to social climb, maintain a certain aesthetic, are users, focus on surface level topics and drama, etc. A lot of people also hide behind the “girls’ girl” facade to get away with mean girl behavior. At a certain point you realize quality >>> quantity when it comes to friendships and become more ok with spending time with yourself.
absolutely. it's taken me years to understand quality > quantity. but even sometimes in social settings you can't help but compare and observe.
I feel this so deeply. I feel like in order to make friends I have to pretend and be someone I’m not. I desperately want super close and intimate friendships but I don’t thinks that’s possible when all parties are being shallow and surface level. I really appreciate reading this because I’ve really felt so alone in this experience.
<333
i find myself half relating to you and half relating to the blond haired sally. introvert at my core, but will challenge a weird aura until i just.. can't be bothered to fight anymore haha! The fact you simply accepted the end of the war and began a friendship is very paris geller coded too.
If anything, this post made me realise us weird girls come in many forms. you will find your people <3
yessss, thank you! weird girls certainly come in many forms. it took me awhile to understand this <3
Love the Paris from Gilmore Girls drop! It sounds like I’m the type that’s always been incredibly excited to be friends with people like you. I’m weird but also extroverted and fiercely protective, which my introverted strange friends seem to love. And I hate small talk and must speak of death and alternate universes and trauma sprinkled with dark humor and the most niche things ever. All that to say, you sound cool af and I would totally be your friend ❤️
thank you!! <33
Informative
I don’t have autism so i can’t share your viewpoint but i have had my fair share of shyness and uneasiness around making friends with girls/women. Finding people who get you can be so hard. I will say my favorite people are the ones that have a hard outer shell. Also I think being a girls girl is difficult because it has a lot of unspoken rules or “girl codes” around etiquette. For example not dating your best friend’s ex or not letting a woman walk around with her skirt stuck to her tights. If you are choosing to do stuff that doesn’t hurt other women, or helps them out.. you are most likely a girls girl.
Yes! 🤎
as a late-diagnosed autistic weird girl, albeit on the extraverted spectrum, I could not have related to this harder. it was always especially tough for me because of my need to socialize in my youth and having everyone look at me like something was wrong with me whenever i started unmasking because it was always so hard for me to mask because i was a huge yapper. I'm very grateful that in my adulthood i found my bunch filled with other ND weirdos who are helping to rewire my brain, but i'm not going to lie when I saw that scene in Queen's Gambit where Beth is invited to the girls party and leaves early because she just doesn't know how to relate or interact with them, i cried. it reminded me far too much of my middle and high school experiences. alsoooo, i've had Weird Girl from Frankenweenie as my pfp on my IG foreeeever I even dressed like her for my senior spirit week in high school and ofc no one got it! all this blabbing to say is that I'm certain we'd be besties you already have a very warm space in my heart <3
omg that scene!! i understand entirely. we are definitely of the same breed <3 and thank you for your kind words.
It’s amazing to read someone describe my own circumstance so perfectly. Very very nice to not feel alone, thank you!
i'm glad you feel seen, understood, less alone <3
Well written my dear! I totally get the comfort of talking of books thing, partly because it was something my grandmother and I did together, and partly because it is safer to talk about what I know rather than who I am.
thank you so much! <3 yes talking about books is the ultimate conversation of comfort.
im an istj and making friends is something I've struggled with. I do want to make friends and feel the connection but I also don't due to massive trust issues and sometimes lack of interest in people. I'm always in between and entangled with my thoughts. I'm glad to know someone's feeling perplexed and miserable as I do lol
You’re definitely not alone! 🙂↔️
I love this post, you truly sum up the experience so well!
What a wonderful post, I had to smile as I read it. <3
How do you make new friends in general as an INTJ? Are you one of those people who would like to make new connections, but just don't know how, because the obligatory small talk gets in the way?
I have superficial friendships, but I really enjoy them, even if they are full of small talk (your worst nightmare, haha). But I usually don't have to do much talking and just listen, which I prefer all day, everyday. I don't mind the masking. Like you, being alone is very, very important to me, and many friendships, at least in my circle of friends, understand it to a certain extent, but don't really accept it, because I don't even make any exceptions - if I've planned a solo date, it stays that way, even if someone wants to join me. I don't make new friends and I don't pine for any connections. But I also make very clear that I'm quite antisocial when introducing myself, haha. Some people think its charming, yet very few people understand the full extent of it.
Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your start at university! <3
Ooh, I truly understand! I also enjoy listening. And don’t get me started on people watching 😍 thank you for your kind words. It sounds like you’ve found contentment in your circle which is all that matters. No one has to understand. Just you
But when we do make friends, it’s so amazing.
Agreed!
I loved everything about this post. Thank you once again for sharing your stories!
🤎🤎
“i’ve found that most gay men either love or loathe the dark and twisty introverted weird girls. regardless, there is no one i love more than the twinks and the girls. last note here to the girls and the gays… the jock/bro type boys love weird girls even though they will never admit it. that qb boy in high school who made fun of you? there is nothing he wanted more than to consume and devour every single inch of you.” Honey, do I have some STORIES to prove this true😭
We can share stories 🤎😌