melancholic media for days you're feeling blue

hello.

i had another post planned for today, but after sharing some bad news yesterday in a note, i’m not really in the headspace to write much. i do, however, want to share some media i cling to whenever i’m feeling blue.

because i’m a master masochist, i enjoy media that will make me feel an even deeper level of melancholy and sadness. do you love to wallow, too? i wrote a post awhile ago about feeling lost in your thirties and i’m still very much living in that existential conundrum. some days, like today, it can feel overwhelmingly paralyzing. even as i write to you right now, i have so much i want to say, but alas, i’m tongue tied.

i recently had a conversation with a friend about the tiers of sadness and anxiety. let me explain… we decided that there are three levels. at the bottom, the emotions are mild and paint almost an aestheticized vision of melancholy. for example, the girl on the metro with headphones on listening to sad songs glancing down at a book she’s not paying much attention to, or the girl on the train looking out at a picturesque landscape deep in thought- the sofia coppola version of sadness. then there’s the second level, which encompasses a deeper level of emotion and can cause physical symptoms of anxiety like an elevated heart rate or feeling the weight of the world on your chest. maybe there are tears involved, or the need to escape your work environment for a moment of solitude to gather yourself before coming back to save face for the rest of the day. lastly, there’s the top tier level of sadness. the type of sadness that is so unbearable there is no music or film or activity that can alleviate your pain. it’s debilitating. the physical symptoms are so bad that your brain convinces you that there’s something wrong (which further exacerbates your base line anxiety). there’s nothing cute or aesthetic or sofia coppola about this level of depression. it’s all inward and it builds until you stop feeling, and sadness turns into apathy. the ultimate defeat.

i’ve been lucky enough to experience a heavy wave of all these tiers of emotions throughout the past couple of years.

i’m going to cut myself off now before i start rambling even more. let me share some books and films and a playlist of two for days you’re feeling blue.

reader, are you feeling blue, too?

books:

blue nights by joan didion - didion's memoir about the death of her daughter, capturing the profound sense of loss, regret, and the relentless passage of time, making it a deeply melancholic reflection on motherhood and mortality.

stoner by john williams - this novel follows the quiet, tragic life of william stoner, whose unfulfilled dreams and personal disappointments evoke a powerful sense of melancholy and the passage of an unnoticed existence.

luster by raven leilani - the story of a young black woman navigating her way through precarious relationships and a tumultuous life, exposing the deep-seated loneliness and existential melancholy of modern existence.

white oleander by janet fitch - through the journey of astrid magnussen in the foster care system, this novel explores themes of abandonment, identity, and the melancholic search for belonging and love.

writers & lovers by lily king - the protagonist's struggle with grief, financial instability, and the pursuit of a writing career encapsulates a melancholic exploration of ambition, loss, and the search for personal fulfillment.

the bell jar by sylvia plath - plath's semi-autobiographical novel delves into the protagonist's descent into mental illness, capturing the pervasive melancholy of her struggle with identity, societal expectations, and existential despair.

normal people by sally rooney - this novel intricately portrays the complex, often painful relationship between two young adults, highlighting their struggles with intimacy, miscommunication, and the melancholic journey of self-discovery and acceptance.

films:

music:

-jazz music is a balm to the soul

-indie is for lovers

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i love you.

bye.

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lost in translation (2003)