100% agree that dreaming is a privilege. All I’ve ever wanted is a cozy, reliable and predictable adulthood after living a childhood walking on eggshells. Now that I’m here, I’m stuck feeling like I set the bar too low and there’s even bigger things I could’ve aimed for. Maybe in some twisted way, I subconsciously miss not knowing what tomorrow would look like.
oh how I resonate, I find it so hard to relax when I need to be doing something, anything, to seek some purpose - i just don't know what that purpose is. more messy journaling required!
A couple years ago (during the lockdown) I also felt this urge to "do more." I felt like I wasn't doing enough and that I needed to do something big. I ended up getting into Oxford and started a master's here... and boy was I humbled. I felt so miserable in higher ed. I love learning and reading and being around beautiful things but the whole "dark academia" aesthetic is reality destroyed me. My only advice is to really think about the things you love and ask yourself if academia is really for you. For me, being a librarian and just having a simple life was what actually made me really happy. Now I just work at the Bodleian Library and rent out this little cottage. Truly, grandma life trumps stress.
so much of this resonates 🖤🖤 I’ve recently realized I’ve set myself up to live a life I don’t like anymore, and I’m trying to make changes but life feels so precarious that way. I wish I didn’t have to worry about making rent while I heal and figure out what makes me happy.
Felt like I was looking in a mirror while reading, I love your writing so much! And it brought me joy knowing what your current obsessions / days are like!!
if it’s any solace i can tell you that your writing definitely serves as a corner of the internet that is both deep and life-changing ! i am skeptical as to whether this may make you feel better (or worse eeek) but have you read the myth of sisyphus? i think a bit of absurdist-based philosophy has the potential to strangely provide comfort aha
It’s like you read my mind! I’m in the exact same position with my dreams so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that <3 the endless search for purpose is so exhausting
As someone who is about to take a financial risk to pursue my dreams of a career in academics, I understand the grief that comes with realizing dreams are risky and would just as soon ruin your life than bring you happiness. Hopefully the risk will pay off for the both of us :(
I feel similarly! And seem to be surrounded by people who simply cannot relate on any appreciable level. May I ask what you had attempted (and failed at) in an effort to live up to what you considered you initial purpose and passion? I had always convinced myself I was "meant" to be a physician, and it took many years of almost literally killing myself to realize it was something I truly did not want. I've always wanted to connect with someone who experienced the same.
The existential crisis is so real. I hope you can find some peace knowing you aren’t alone in the feeling. Would love your full list of favorite “cringey witchy books”—pls share!
100% agree that dreaming is a privilege. All I’ve ever wanted is a cozy, reliable and predictable adulthood after living a childhood walking on eggshells. Now that I’m here, I’m stuck feeling like I set the bar too low and there’s even bigger things I could’ve aimed for. Maybe in some twisted way, I subconsciously miss not knowing what tomorrow would look like.
Ugh this is gutting 😞 I truly understand how you feel
oh how I resonate, I find it so hard to relax when I need to be doing something, anything, to seek some purpose - i just don't know what that purpose is. more messy journaling required!
Maybe messy journaling is the answer 🙂↔️
that existential crisis with a dash of frustration towards the money and privilege that it takes to follow the dream, hit my core.
pursuing dreams for the common folk feels like being okay with a financial crisis.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too 😢
Being burdened with glorious purpose is hard.
Your posts feel like receiving a letter from a friend and they feel comforting
Thank you so much 🥺🤎
so tender and reflective :( thank you for your words
Thank you for reading🤎
A couple years ago (during the lockdown) I also felt this urge to "do more." I felt like I wasn't doing enough and that I needed to do something big. I ended up getting into Oxford and started a master's here... and boy was I humbled. I felt so miserable in higher ed. I love learning and reading and being around beautiful things but the whole "dark academia" aesthetic is reality destroyed me. My only advice is to really think about the things you love and ask yourself if academia is really for you. For me, being a librarian and just having a simple life was what actually made me really happy. Now I just work at the Bodleian Library and rent out this little cottage. Truly, grandma life trumps stress.
This is beautiful. Despite how difficult it was for you, I’m proud of you for making it through and creating a life that makes you feel at peace 🤎
so much of this resonates 🖤🖤 I’ve recently realized I’ve set myself up to live a life I don’t like anymore, and I’m trying to make changes but life feels so precarious that way. I wish I didn’t have to worry about making rent while I heal and figure out what makes me happy.
Yes to all of this 😔🤎
Lovely runner 🤩
I’m glad someone noticed 🤭
Felt like I was looking in a mirror while reading, I love your writing so much! And it brought me joy knowing what your current obsessions / days are like!!
Thank you!! 🤎🤎
I have an older kindle paperwhite and I love it!
Noted! Waiting for prime day 🤭
if it’s any solace i can tell you that your writing definitely serves as a corner of the internet that is both deep and life-changing ! i am skeptical as to whether this may make you feel better (or worse eeek) but have you read the myth of sisyphus? i think a bit of absurdist-based philosophy has the potential to strangely provide comfort aha
It’s like you read my mind! I’m in the exact same position with my dreams so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that <3 the endless search for purpose is so exhausting
As someone who is about to take a financial risk to pursue my dreams of a career in academics, I understand the grief that comes with realizing dreams are risky and would just as soon ruin your life than bring you happiness. Hopefully the risk will pay off for the both of us :(
"I have no idea what I want anymore." Been feeling similarly lost recently. It is comforting to know other people feel the same way though <3
I feel similarly! And seem to be surrounded by people who simply cannot relate on any appreciable level. May I ask what you had attempted (and failed at) in an effort to live up to what you considered you initial purpose and passion? I had always convinced myself I was "meant" to be a physician, and it took many years of almost literally killing myself to realize it was something I truly did not want. I've always wanted to connect with someone who experienced the same.
The existential crisis is so real. I hope you can find some peace knowing you aren’t alone in the feeling. Would love your full list of favorite “cringey witchy books”—pls share!